Saturday, 7 April 2012

Power of Words

Workroom Play List:

Bizet ~ Carmen - Act 1. L'Amour Est Un Oiseau Rebelle
Thunder ~ My Darkest Hour
Bing Crosby ~ Here Lies Love
All Saints ~ Under the Bridge
Julian Webber ~ Elgar - Cello Concerto in E Minor, Op. 85
Thunder ~ In a Broken Dream
Astor Piazzolla ~ Libertango
George Michael ~ Heal the Pain

To say that I am not handling the prospect of becoming 40 in less than a week..would be a massive slight understatement. With time on my hands to maybe think too much about it, I find that I am focusing more on the negative than the positive. Am I alone in this? My life did not in any way turn out the way I planned..not that I planned much but I had the whole belief that by now I would have my own family and my focus would be based around them...that didn't happen for me. My health isn't as I'd hoped it would be at this age...and my plans of years travelling have been inactive for the last few years due to a combination of ill health and lack of funds...and we live in a lovely house that badly needs work doing to it...These are the thoughts going around in my head, making me nauseous..and that's not the side effects from the drugs although they are I think the problem is..I feel very much older than my almost 40 everything is magnified.

This I found on Pinterest and it is in my No, no,no I am not about to be 40 But felt we needed a chuckle right

But I do have an awful lot to be thankful relationship is a happy one filled with moments of silly falling about laughing (very necessary when chronic ill health is a factor!!) and genuine deep love and respect. I have good relationships with my Mum, my sister and her family and my kid brother. I have an amazing circle of friends who are supportive, fun and never hesitate to show love. I have a four legged fella that keeps me company and never fails to make me smile. I have a roof over my head (all be it a Swiss cheese style roof! lol) and spaces within it that give me workroom, bedroom, kitchen etc. I have my music...a life essential..and I have my writing. So I have good foundations in my current life. I have fantastic memories of travels I have made and moments I have lived over the past almost 40 years. And I have plans for making many new ones for the future.

Another Pinterest moment from my Hope's become a mantra for me
I try to keep two things in my mind..mantras as it were...This Too Shall Pass and the one above because I truly believe in Hope. Yes..I have chronic ill health now and this new med regime is kicking my ass (Starting the higher dose joy! lol) but this is hopefully temporary..and one day soon I will start to feel..human..again. My life isn't where I thought it would be at almost 40 but it's a good life..others are living a much harder life with a lot less.

My new mantra! And when I am 4..4..4..4..40 and 1 day I shall repeat it often! lol Until then I reserve the right to freak out a little more..
So fun things about turning 40...My Love is planning a small gathering of our nearest and dearest for me..and I haven't had a thing to do with it..I just have to be there on the day. And a lesson I learnt a few years ago from reading Life Lessons by Elisabeth Kuber-Ross and David Kessler (a fantastic book I highly recommend anyone who is suffering with ill health or is feeling a little 'lost' to had a profound effect on me..)...that is all I need to celebrate my birthday...the people I love..everything else is just a bonus. But in the spirit of celebrating my 40th birthday year I have taken a note from some of my pals and written a list of 40 things I would like to do...ranging from the utterly silly to hopes of achievements when my health improves. It's been quite fun making the list and also quite frustrating at times but that was basically taking my ill health into consideration..I didn't want to fill the list with things that would demoralise me if I couldn't achieve them later in the year. So I am getting

And words have been very powerful to me all my life but of late extremely so. Like with the above mantras and my writing and reading materials. Even sat watching my two nephews vying to show me their new learnt words..just watching them both writing..."Lovely Auntee R.." will be a memory I will cherish forever..little scamps. lol.

Emails can be a strengthening thing too. This morning I opened my Rocket email to find a lovely email waiting for my from a reader Helen in Brisbane. Her words and her encouragement took my breath away with their kindness and support and brought a huge smile to both me and My Loves face today. It was no more than 10 sentences but it was amazing. So this blog posting is dedicated to Helen and her guys are the reason why I keep writing each day...and sharing my ramblings and life lessons. Thank you.

Thank you for stopping by and I hope your Saturday is a very good one?