Strength...

Resting Play List: Brandi Carlile ~ The Story Album

Image found through a Google Search..not my own creation folks ~R~

I feel like I am having one of those lives days that makes you just want to retreat from the world..wave the white flag at it and say I give up. I feel dreadful..temporary interim meds are leaving me with no energy and my spark has died..My Love tried to get some help this morning for the 'Salicylate' hell and got nowhere...My Mum was at the hospital having further tests and a biopsy after a routine breast screening...and when we got up this morning the heating had stopped working..a boiler that was a month over it's warranty..of course! I haven't been in my kitchen for nearly 2 months.

I am worn out mentally and physically..worried sick about people I love...frustrated I can't move on from where I am. Today is a very bad day....so I do what I have done for what feels like..forever now..I get myself as comfortable as I can, play some music that helps to keep me sane and I fill my time doing activities I can do from my chair...research for my writing (which has dried up!!) reading, Pinteresting (I have way too many boards there now!) and plan...and make my infamous lists.

I sit and I wonder when things are going to turn around for me? When is the good news going to start coming in? And amongst the sheer fear I have felt this week waiting to find out if my lovely Mum was going to face another battle with cancer..it's been too easy to lose sight of the reality around me.
Trying to remain strong for everyone else whilst I'm struggling to remain strong for myself is a hard battle. One I felt I was losing up until an hour ago....

What changed? I received a call from my Mum to say that everything is OK..that it was a large cyst that collapsed as they were doing the biopsy...Grossly Fantastic news for sure. Then My Love came downstairs to tell me that the boiler was sorted and the heating was back on! I sat alone for a while and tried to calm my mind and let these two very different pieces of good news sink in and slowly I started to see the bigger picture again...Yes My Love is finding the Salicylate Sensitivity a nightmare and the GP couldn't help this morning but we do have a Consultants appt very soon. I feel dreadful now but these drugs are only temporary until I start the next 'new super drug' and then I should start to feel much better very quickly. And then my thoughts filtered through to my dear pal, who has recently undergone a mastectomy and who contacted me last night to share with me that all the tumour was taken and no further treatment was necessary...I was so happy for her I cried. And a relatively new online friend who broke her elbow, was back blogging again and seems to be on the mend too! I had forgotten how much it had made me smile to read her blogs yesterday...

Allowing myself the time to think...I found so much good in all this bad that seems to be surrounding me lately. I felt myself feel a little stronger again. At least strong enough to fight through today...and as ever I am hopeful for tomorrow. And thanks to My Love I am not shivering anymore lol.

Once again I want to say thank you to those of you that are still popping by every day to my blog and as soon as I can I will be back with the regular content.

Hope you are going to have or are having a fantastic weekend?

~R~