Soundgarden ~ King Animal Album
It's been a rollarcoaster weekend and start, to this week. ML has been seriously struggling with the health and to be honest my pain levels have been breathtakingly high. This all has an effect on the life you live. Our life right now is one that we have to take hour by hour with the illnesses we have. Long term plans for our big life change seem to be pushed to the background and feel like they will never happen now. People have let us down....we've enabled them. Whinge whinge whinge. lol How easy is it to do that? Get really bogged down with all the blackness engulfing your life. Before you know it a year has nearly passed and you are still in the same bleak spot.
During one of my many sleepless moments of the night...I tried to break through this thought process..and try to build a list of things that I have surrounding me that I am blessed to have. Not as easy as you think when your mind is exhausted with meds, illness and worry. But I did manage a few things...
Firstly the relationships I have in my life. I am not alone. ML is my constant companion and my best friend. My family...not all of them..because some of them are just plain swines but the ones I do respect and love...I cherish them. And my friends...who are closer to me than family...
I was reminded this weekend how strong the bonds of some friendships become without realising. A good friend came to visit this weekend and brought a weeks worth of freshly cooked meals for me to enjoy. I was staggered and deeply touched by this act of kindness and thoughtfulness. You know who you are...and I'll leave it at that. You are cherished.
A relatively new friendship..well..8 months old..has been particularly close to my heart this weekend. He has been on mind and in my heart as his life was almost turned upside down by the flooding in Brisbane. Thankfully for his family the only casualty was his new iPhone..and I paid my respects to him for his loss. lol. But his friendship has become very important to me. We talk everyday...and he keeps me sane. When the illness and pain is at it's worst..he is there. When I'm feeling ok..he's there to share a movie or just to share music. I make no apologies for how much time we spend together because his friendship is as cherished as the other friendships I have formed over the last ten years.
They say you don't make good friends after a certain age...hockum I say. Complete nonsense. The friendships I've made in the last ten years are the deepest rooted and respected friendships I've had. I am truly blessed with every single one of them.
I also have a roof over my head...albeit a Swiss cheese style one that requires buckets when it rains. I have food in the cupboards even though I can't actually cook with it right now. I have Ruby (laptop) to give me a link to the outside world..and my iPod. I have books to read...
So I have a lot more than a lot of other people...even if I forget sometimes. OK my body is almost useless but my mind is holding it together..just. lol. Some would debate this fact.
Then this morning I found this quote via Pinterest...and it made me smile...and seemed to gel with the thoughts I'd had during the night. OK things aren't that great right now...but I have to believe that there are still good times to come...a life to be lived...I have to believe this.
OK thanks for reading the ramblings of a woman on the edge...lol. I hope your week has started well and you are blessed too?
~R~
